Friday, September 30, 2005

42 Quality (IRC) Quotes

42 Quality (IRC) Quotes
From the Creator of 42 Quality Google Videos &

The following quotes were hand selected from is a database of amusing quotes taken out of context from Internet Relay Chat (IRC) channels.
Questions? Comments? Found a quote that should be here?

Note: Created on 3/28/06. Filed as 9/30/05 as to not disrupt current blog.

#244321 +(13812)- [X]
(Cthon98) hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
(Cthon98) ********* see!
(AzureDiamond) hunter2
(AzureDiamond) doesnt look like stars to me
(Cthon98) (AzureDiamond) *******
(Cthon98) thats what I see
(AzureDiamond) oh, really?
(Cthon98) Absolutely
(AzureDiamond) you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
(AzureDiamond) haha, does that look funny to you?
(Cthon98) lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
(AzureDiamond) thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
(Cthon98) yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
(AzureDiamond) awesome!
(AzureDiamond) wait, how do you know my pw?
(Cthon98) er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
(AzureDiamond) oh, ok.

(billyblacktop) yo yo yo, sup my niggas?
(jimmy2toes) your not black
(billyblacktop) how do you know that?
(jimmy2toes) I hacked your we( bcam, and now I can see you
( billyblacktop) yeah right you cant do that
( jimmy2toes) I can and I did.
( billyblacktop) ok then what color hair do I have
(jimmy2toes) Hmmm, let me zoom in a bit. Blonde, and you are white, about 6' 2", your room has an emenim poster and your bedspread is yellow and blue.
(billyblacktop) holy fuck man im telling the cops
Quits: {billyblacktop} (billyb@235.253.473.232) (Quit:)
(jimmy2toes) LMAO, that was a friend of mine, I just set up his comp today, and showed him mirc, he doesnt know my nick, what a fat tool!!!
(nellcarterlookalike) A fat tool indeed.

#32511 (2236)
(Feeks) Hey can anyone help me I've been building a computer?
(@Wabz) Whats up?
(Feeks) Well i built it but it wont turn on
(@Wabz) Is the PSU connected to the board and harddrive etc
(Feeks) Yeah I'm not fucking stupid
(@Wabz) lol ok then, can you hear the fan on the PSU?
(Feeks) Yeah so it's turned on ya fucking muppet
(@Wabz) Fair enough then
(@Wabz) There should be a little red switch on the back of the PSU saying 240
(Feeks) Yeah man
(Feeks) ??? Hurry up some of us dont have all day
(@Wabz) OK OK lol push it over so it says 115 and you'll get more power going to the board
(Feeks) Then Plug it in?
(@Wabz) Yeah
(KLine) hehe :)
@Wabz puts his fingers in his ears
(Feeks) You fucking bastard you blew it up
(@Wabz) No i told you how to blow it up
(@Wabz) You blew it up
(Feeks) Fucker!!
(@Wabz) !kb Feeks
—› mode: (Wanda) sets (+b *!*
Comment: Why n00bs should be nice to IRC veterans

#212775 +(4692)- [X]
Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it

#36848 (1951)
Razer: Shit..DS is coming..
TriSpear: how do you know?
Wicked_Sword: The annoying n00b f00?
Razer: He just signed onto AIM..
EnergyWave: yeah...the kid who sucks at being a sader..
Wicked_Sword: Shit shit shit
Razer: Hide!!
* Razer is now known as Razer[Away]
* DevilsGrace is now known as DevilsGrace[Out]
* Wicked_Sword is now known as WS[Away]
* TriSpear is now known as Tri[Gone]
* Hampton is now known as Hampton[bbl]
* EnergyWave is now known as EnergyWave[afk]
* _Godly_Strike_ is now known as GS[bbiab]
Razer[Away]: ).)
* DarkShadows has joined #Saders
DarkShadows: hey evry1
DarkShadows: n e 1 wanna play w/ me
DarkShadows: 1 here..
* DarkShadows has Quit(Quit: User Exited)
Razer[Away]: w00t!
WS[Away]: I kinda feel bad for him..Now...He just got ditched by an entire channel...

#72 +(4603)- [X]
(reptile-) The first time hypr opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"
(hypr) wtf are donut seeds

#434593 +(6804)- [X]
*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
(Anubis) what fraud?
(Kadmium) You haven't heard about it?
(Anubis) no?
(Kadmium) You can read the full story at
(Anubis) omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'

#207373 +(10550)- [X]
(anamexis) oh man
(anamexis) I was opening a coke, right
--) Beefpile ( has joined #themacmind
(anamexis) and it exploded
(anamexis) ALMOST all over my keyboard
(anamexis) but I got it away just in time
(-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
(anamexis) :(

#23601 +(8980)- [X]
(mage) what should I give sister for unzipping?
(Kevyn) Um. Ten bucks?
(mage) no I mean like, WinZip?

(rzrshrp) I want food
(NickBlasta) build more farms

#99835 +(11676)- [X]
(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what sucks?
(TheXPhial) vaccuums
(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
(TheXPhial) black holes
(Guo_Si) Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
(TheXPhial) lava?

#104052 +(8144)- [X]
(NES) lol
(NES) I download something from Napster
(NES) And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
(NES) I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
(NES) "getting my song back fucker"

#8814 +(7293)- [X]
(Night-hen-gayle) I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

#111338 +(10032)- [X]
(JonJonB) Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
(JonJonB) Let's see the results...

(JonJonB) "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
(JonJonB) "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

(JonJonB) A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

(JonJonB) "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
(JonJonB) "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

(JonJonB) Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

(JonJonB) "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

(JonJonB) The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

(JonJonB) He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

(JonJonB) He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

(JonJonB) Ok
(JonJonB) I have found, definitive proof
(JonJonB) that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
(JonJonB) "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
(melusine ) O_______O
(JonJonB) Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

(JonJonJonB) Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

(JonJonJonB) 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

#400459 +(5663)- [X]
(Sonium) someone speak python here?
(lucky) SSSSS
(Sonium) the programming language

#50891 +(6061)- [X]
(Eticam) I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
(Eticam) And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
(Eticam) When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
(Eticam) Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
(Eticam) The girl started crying and left class ^^

(yossarian) theres a hole in my bucket
(tomg) yossarian: did microsoft make it?
(yossarian) yes, MSBucket
(tomg) have they made a patch for it yet?
(tomg) no, they probably want you to upgrade to Bucket.NET
(yossarian) with what shall i fix it dear microsoft, dear microsoft?
(tomg) well the CBR (common bucket runtime) will have embedded security to prevent leaks

#8102 +(6845)- [X]
(glome) Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
(content) glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
(glome) Who me?!
(content) Yes you!
(glome) Couldn't be!
(content) Then WHO?!!
(glome) Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch)

#628786 +(985)- [X]
(yogurt1) dude, the saddest thing happend today. My mom woke me up at fucking 9 in the morning, cause our garbage can blew open and spread it all around the street. So I throw on clothes and go out to clean. It takes me fucking 2 hours to finish it. Then some punk kid comes by and kicks it over, and it all blows away again. I go up to this kid and I say "You stupud fuck clean it" this punk ass kid says to me "haha fuck that".
(yogurt1) I couldn't hear him because I had earmuffs but I knew thats what the kid says. So after mouthing off I punch the kid in the face and walk home. like an hour later the kids mom comes to the door and says shes going to sue me for punching...her 13 year old daughter.
(benji443) HAHA LMAO!
(jiirco) ROFL YOU PUNCHED A GIRL!!!!!!!!!
(yogurt1) She was wearing a hat and a hood for fuck sakes!

#334762 +(5849)- [X]
(UKDJ|Planet) I swear to god
(UKDJ|Planet) I've just heard a duck tell a joke
(Jock) o...k
(UKDJ|Planet) there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live
(UKDJ|Planet) one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks
(UKDJ|Planet) then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental
(UKDJ|Planet) it looked just like duck stand-up comedy

([DoD]Xiao) typ capslock button :P
(aegis) Hvatti: hold down shift while writing instead...^^
(Hvatti) hey that shift-thing works thx!!!
(Hvatti) but it*s pretty difficult to write while holding a shift:::
(Lilly-) omg
(Lilly-) Hvatti find "caps lock" key and press it once
(Lilly-) number 3 from bottom left
(Hvatti) where can i find it
(Tiger) hehe :D
(aegis) at the left of your keyboard
(Hvatti) ok thanx::
(Hvatti) YES IT WORKED!!!
(Lilly-) aamm
(aegis) apparently it didn't
(Lilly-) lol
(aegis) yes
(aegis) you have to release the shift.
(Lilly-) omg how sweet !!
(Hvatti) like this?
* Lilly- faints
(aegis) yep, just like that

#104383 +(7263)- [X]
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

#309397 +(6150)- [X]
(VolteFace`) don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
(peng) ...
(peng) what?
(VolteFace`) oh shit
(VolteFace`) don't you hate it when you DROP shit

#136524 +(5183)- [X]
(Raven) I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
(Raven) It said my password wasn't long enough. :(

(spd-dmn) lee: hows the baybee
(Virtualee) spd-dmn She's great! Growing so fast!
(spd-dmn) aw
(spd-dmn) got any pics?
(spazzer) has she sprouted appendages yet?
(KK-) lol
(spazzer) don't babies grow like potatos?
(spd-dmn) ahaha
(spd-dmn) spazzer you're on crack, buddy
(spazzer) you mean they DON'T?
(spazzer) they come out with arms and legs?
(spazzer) shit
(spazzer) i have a whole new respect for women

#577451 +(4849)- [X]
(DmncAtrny) And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
(DmncAtrny) and run like hell

(Tsk) oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
(Tsk) sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.

#408913 +(1115)- [X]
(ComradOtter) "A train station is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. On my desk I have a workstation..."

GeoffSharron: a spider just hid inside my keyboard
GeoffSharron: and this sentence probably crushed him
GeoffSharron: i think he was under the m key
GeoffSharron: mmmm
GeoffSharron: m key
GeoffSharron: m m m m

(orion`-`-) what the fuck
(orion`-`-) i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
(orion`-`-) brbrb

[D1] You know, I started the slammer routine.
[D1] when everyone was playing for pogs
[D1] I put down my slammer
[D1] and it started a huge trend
[D1] then EVERYONE played for slammers
[Guilty] You put it on the pile?
[D1] yeah
[Guilty] Thats just stupid
[D1] I was a high roller.
(McMoo) are you guys discussing pog tactics?
[D1] yes

::: .enter@6.53p) _YOU (harpeet@
::: .signoff@6.53p) _YOU (harpeet@; ...
::: .signoff@6.53p) BlueBold (; Leaving
::: .signoff@6.53p) ic3d (; Leaving
::: .signoff@6.53p) CoolJeff4 (; Leaving

(matts) hal check your privates
(matts) err
(matts) messages

(refugee) man
(refugee) you cant cancel an AOL subscription online
(dwai) try to do it over the phone
(refugee) and they want your screenname when you cancel
(refugee) so I gotta be like "yeah, my screenname is SIZZLINGCROTCH"

(Matt^^^) Ok, I walk up to a really hot chick and say "I bet you 20 bucks I can make your tits jiggle without touching them"
(Matt^^^) then I grab her tits, give her 20 bucks and walk away

#608100 +(3833)-[X]
(cassius_clay13) so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
(cassius_clay13) well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
(cassius_clay13) so i helped him walk to the toilet
(cassius_clay13) all the stalls were occupied
(emoti_conartist) lol
(cassius_clay13) bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
(cassius_clay13) so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
(cassius_clay13) and there's this guy in there taking a shit
(emoti_conartist) hahahahahaha
(cassius_clay13) and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
(cassius_clay13) then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
(cassius_clay13) so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
(cassius_clay13) and runs away
(cassius_clay13) imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER
(jackal-) someone guess what my cat will type when i drop it on my keyboard
(jackal-) hello i'm a very intelligent cat, save me from my cruel master and free me from this prison
(jackal-) omg
(jackal-) bad cat

(Zack`) I wore my boxers backwards all day yesterday
(shea_) haha
(Zack`) And I didn't realize it until I scratched my ass
(Zack`) And my hand went through the slot and made contact with my crack
(Zack`) And I was like WTF

#45254 +(450)- [X]
(Shirley) it was my girlfriends birthday, and i stayed at her place, and i put fudge in the toilet early in the morning, so when we woke up, i went to the toilet and she was getting ready to get in the shower
(Shirley) and when she looked at me, i reached into the toilet and grabbed a handful of what she thought was poop
(Shirley) and threw it at her
(Shirley) and screamed "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BITCH!"

(gig103) I drove by the fire department the other day, and they had a big public awareness sign that read, "Are your house numbers visible?" I thought, "Who the hell cares? How about you just stop at the house that's on fire?!"

*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
(kurai) Gah. Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
(kurai) Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
(kurai) The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
(kurai) So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
(kurai) Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
(Pikachu) ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
(kurai) SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
(kurai) What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
(basto) Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'

#333409 +(3248)- [X]
(Freezer_Burn) how do i removed a burned in image from my monitor
(seamuso) buy a new monitor
(Freezer_Burn) i cant
(Kornchild) how did you burn an image into yoru monitor?
(Freezer_Burn) i set it to full screen at high brightness and fell asleep
(Freezer_Burn) there is a faint outline of a naked lady with her legs wide open showing her privates
(Freezer_Burn) and i i have to remove it before my mom comes home tomorrow night
(trance`) Freezer_Burn LMFAO
(meanolthing`) lol

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